THIS IS US.

*DISCLAIMER – I am a dedicated and knowledgeable personal trainer and radiographer. I have completed various levels of study and received accompanying and recognised qualifications to train groups, individuals, elderly and children. I have nothing but my clients’ health, safety and well being at heart during sessions. Everything from here on in goes a little ‘skew whiff’.

My gym studio is located at the front of the house in a separate building. It takes about nine and a half strides to reach the back door. Once through this door, I become Eliza ‘personal trainer’ and ‘studio manager’ and even ‘occ health and safety officer’. I could also be ‘fire warden’ and ‘first aid responder’.

But what often, OFTEN happens is -these professional sounding titles seem to blur a little and the goings on in the studio feel a hell of a lot more like home rather than a boutique, exclusive and professional place to carve your best body and begin your journey to feeling awesome and unstoppable.

Let me explain.

1.THE ANIMALS

You know I love ’em. In fact, if you are NOT a dog person or at least if you don’t like Archie, you are pretty much not within my scope of well…anything!

Animals make my world go around. Archie the border collie pulls rank over all the others of course.

He is my favourite human.

He knows to wait at the doorstep until he is invited in to the studio. I tend to let him in when the other trainer is not with a client. It gives me some sort of reassurance that I’m keeping things half professional for him (the trainer).

Otherwise, Archie is happy to lick your face while you’re stretching or watch the ball slam- just in case you need him at any stage.

When he is not inside the studio he waits on the doormat for either me to return or for someone to use the loo and step over him in the process. Rain or shine he waits for me. One ear up and one ear down.

Archie

Other dogs have also come to have a playdate with Arch while their owner trains. Jock the labradoodle, Daphne the red merle border collie and Teddy the Maltese Shitsu/ cavalier cross (pictured) have carved it up with my boy.

Remember the lamb?!!! That was a HARD one man!

Rosie started off all cute, with her long tail, the nappy with the hole for the tail and drinking from her bottle. But then, she grew!

Rosie Lamb

The nappies (with the hole for the long tail) became too small.

Pull ups did not work. Believe me, I tried them.

So I spent time training clients and hoping they wouldn’t step on a pellet of lambie poo! I became like a ragged, sleep deprived mum again who had to get up and feed the bleating lamb five times a night so that the noise didn’t wake the psycho neighbour!

Rosie Lamb was cute but much better on the property she moved on to. Rosie did NOT have any other lambs coming to play. Go figure.

We move on to the very famous Bruno and Bailey.

Bailey and Bruno

The two joeys were rescued when their mums were killed by cars. We fostered them for around five months.

They were divine and probably favourites for many clients to see hopping around the studio, up to the mirrors and into their pillow cases.

Apart from the German Au Pair who got piddled on, the joeys are missed by everyone and were so easy to care for.

No noise, slept most of the day and stayed in their pouch (pillow case). It was a great reward to offer clients after they’d busted their guts in a training session. A cuddle with the joeys on the lounge. (Unless you were the German Au Pair who got piddled on).

Bruno and Bailey are now living the farm life and are cared for on a property in Keith, South Australia where they have ample room and a foster brother who loves snow peas, called Lewis.

So to my clients- I thank you for accepting the animals.

2. THE BABIES AND CHILDREN

Then there are the babies. Babies with nappies without a hole cut into them for the tail. Normally newer clients feel apprehensive when it comes to bringing their cherub in to the studio. They worry about the crying, the big pusher, the distraction. It doesn’t take long though for them to realise that when I hold their bubba, and start the whole rocking procedure, it takes the pressure off THEM. I normally end up sitting on the floor with the baby and my stopwatch, just barking orders. Babies unused to noise, loud laughter and weights clanging need not apply. They may have to lay in the pusher on the doorstep with the dog.

Many a client walks through the door with their children, especially during school holidays. Mum or Dad stay in the studio and the children either keep on walking straight through to find my lot or they sit on the lounge (where the joey piddled on the German Au Pair) .

Some children join in with the session too excitedly yelling “this is SO easy” to their perspiring parent. Nice one kids!

We always have extra children at our place so it really and honestly make no difference to me. I’m glad clients feel comfortable and I’d much rather they train than not!

The Studio Trainer is also known to have inbuilt babysitting services available- if the triplets are home, awake and dressed appropriately.

Proud to say some of the babies and children who come to the studio have done so since they were in vitro. That’s how dedicated I am to your training.

3. THE DRINKS

I DID mention in the *disclaimer that things would go skew whiff remember?!

We sometimes drink at the studio.

We do.

I do pride myself on being able to read people’s emotions and energies.

I have been known to take a client for a coffee and a listening ear as opposed to trying to train when there is something much larger at play in their life or mind.

Don’t judge me until you have NEVER missed an exercise session. Mental health is important too.

Some evenings have been known to conclude around a table out the back, past the lounge where the joey piddled on the German Au Pair, over the dog waiting on the doorstep and into the courtyard.

Pretty pink gin (with the fruit group added for garnishes), champagne for celebration (of what- does it matter?) and beers have been drunk.

Add a dash of cheese platter, mix with a WHOLE lot of laughter and tie it all together with banter between friends who became clients and clients who became friends. Again -mental health is important too.

4. THE CONTRA DEAL

A bit of to-ing and fro-ing never hurt no one right? Well in my studio, we DO take part in a little bit of contra dealing . Personal training session fees have been know to be waived for certain items. These include facials, candles, diffusers, bags of fruit, fresh eggs, hand me down activewear (you know, ‘for work’), coffee mugs (because we drink at the studio), concert tickets for Ed Sheehan (a night out with one of my daughters. Again- mental health). And because we drink at the studio, I’ve also swapped out for the pretty pink gin.

And then there are the gifts I receive just because people are beautiful !

Arrangements of flowers, champagne (because we drink), chocolates and books have all been given to me with so much appreciation. I hope it’s not in the hope for a cruisy session…..

I recently received a ‘care package’ from Teddy the Shitsu/Maltese/Cavalier cross’ mum. A gift of chocolate, a magazine , Glen 20 and a candle was to soothe my precious heartache from sending the famous joeys Bruno and Bailey to the farm to become ‘real’ kangaroos.

People are amazing! It’s not like I had a disease, an amputation or a death in the family. I’d sent two baby kangaroos back to their natural habitat. It’s acts of kindness like all of this that keep my faith in the human race. Honestly.

5. THE INTERRUPTIONS

Can you imagine working out in a fancy gym and the manager’s teenage daughter storms in (like teenagers do) and declares

“MUUUUMMMMM, we’re gonna be late for touch football practice, [sister’s] got NO PANTS ON and [brother] is still in his PYJAMAS!!!! MUUUUUMMMMM!!!”

No? Can’t imagine it? Well come to MY little professional, boutique gym and you can witness first hand what it’s like to get your session interrupted by the best of them!

It could be scenarios as above or the son wanting me to open the peanut butter jar, the other daughter asking what’s for dinner (like I have nothing better to do), the son coming in with one sock on , looking for the other, the other daughter dobbing on the OTHER daughter and so on…..

The interruptions do not stop at that back door either. They may come through the front door as the children return from school on the big blue-can’t-possibly-miss-it school bus with sports bags and hunger in tow.

It may be one, two or three of them returning from a late sports practice with muddy footy boots, wet dog smelling jumpers or grass stains.

It might be another parent (may the gods bless them) dropping someone home for me. It may be my parents walking through the studio with said hobo types in tow.

While we are at it, let’s not limit interruptions to children. It has been known for a certain dog to get SO overwhelmed at another dog walking past that he must sprint to the front door to check on proceedings.

He then lays in the window, fogging up the glass, one ear up, one ear down, watching the world go by. Meanwhile I’m trying to be professional.

Dogs from the outside also come to the inside! I have a much used dog’s water bowl outside the door on the footpath. From time to time, these happy campers passing by like to come in to check on proceedings within this professional, fancy, boutique gym. All shapes and sizes of all beings, all around!

I won’t even get into the famous joeys Bruno and Bailey or the lamb with a hole cut in the nappy and the interruptions they have caused OR that I have had to pick up in a tissue . I figure I have gone down hill enough from that initial *disclaimer!

6. THE SOCIAL

We do a lot of talking. Again- mental health is important and when you need to discuss problems like where to buy peppermint truffles from Haighs, whether you iron your sheets or not, how I used to love Belinda Carlisle’s hair, or how to get your voice heard when you ring Telstra- it all needs to be taken care of . Right?

Then we ramp things up and talk about our post children bodies and things they can no longer do (I’m here to help), our endless lists of things not getting done vs. our latest Netflix binge and where to buy toilet paper- but why? before Carona virus hits- which is not a gastro bug.

So yes, sometimes we get side tracked, session times blow out, our abs hurt from laughing and those children who interrupt just roll their eyes (which we have already discussed).

IN CONCLUSION

I will refer back to my initial disclaimer. I really DO care about your health, movement patterns, capabilities and limitations as clients. I strive to make you stronger, happier and fitter.

I thrive on solving problems and modifying to suit you and your body or mind and I really do love what I do.

But with the unprofessional, dog and children infested, alcoholic, door slamming environment I provide at The Studio Trainer, I wouldn’t have it any other way!!

THANK YOU for accepting all of the above. THANK YOU for your friendship, hard work, kindness, open mindedness and for allowing me to do what I do with the animals and people I love.

I love that my home is your home too.

E x

PS- I also own a horse. His droppings may not fit into a tissue….

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