After PM Scott Morrison’s announcement on Friday of Australia’s restrictions lifting and changes to lockdown laws, my heart sank just a little.
AM I ODD?
Through a three step process, and with each state’s government deciding their own pace, we will be allowed out in to the world bit by bit.
Step one is to “enable greater connection with friends and family’. Restaurants and cafes opening from this week. I think this is wonderful for many. Those who’ve really been isolated and lonely in so many ways. One thing we have learnt is how the human connection is really important for one’s well being. Personally, I’m just as happy with dogs, horses, sheep, cats and cows. Not geese though. They scare me.
We will also be allowed to have up to ten guests to help you tie the knot and if you die, you can have up to twenty of your closest friends to send you off. But if you perhaps take the coffin or urn outside, you can add ten more.
Retail is ready and boot camps can get cracking.
But if you DO want to start parading in public again, on the golf green, in the shops or in the park, you CAN’T get your nails done, lift your spirits with a massage OR get your eyebrows seen to yet. That comes later. Thanks ScoMo. That sits really well.
So, we can go for a meal, sit with friends, drop the kids at some kind of morphed sports practice, socialise to certain degrees and get somewhat back to normal.
But do you know what?
I’M NOT READY.
I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK.
Don’t picture me kicking and screaming like a tantrumming two year old saying this. Picture me calm. Serene. Quiet. Home.
I wake up with clear spots in my once frenzied mind.
No thoughts of what day it is, who needs to go where, with who, what time and will I embarrass them in the process.
No thoughts of who I have to train, whether they will get the most out of my programming, whether it is a plan that will all come together or if half way through the session it turns to shite.
No thoughts of checking the time. Is it time to get everyone out of bed? Is it time to cook? Is it time to go to school pick up? Do I have time to put a load of washing on? Is it time to wash these uniforms again? Is it time to feel guilty for not ironing? Seriously, am I washing these uniforms AGAIN? Is it time to work out the bloody Zoom where we all speak at once, then no one speaks, then someone’s on mute, then someone’s paused?
I wake up without worrying about how to be in four or five places at once, all supportive and happy but in the back of my mind going mental with ‘too much on my plate’.
I wake up before the sun and I play soft music, put candles going, get a huge assed coffee and think. I think about ME. I wonder what I will do for this day. A blog? A jigsaw? A workout? A Netflix binge? A horse ride?
AND I CAN CHOOSE WHAT I AM GOING TO DO.
I can talk to people, or not. I can get out of my pyjamas ,or not. I can eat at meal time, or not. I can have a productive day, or not.
Restrictions were initially a bit daunting weren’t they? As we watched the world get viciously consumed by an unseen enemy we worried for our loved ones and our comfort in ‘normal’ being disrupted. Our sense of safety diminished to staying home with food, statistics and maybe toilet paper. Our busy rat race lives fuelled by time limits, the need for more stuff and money and doing so much now changed to spending precious time with family, getting back to basics and realising what and who matters to us.
After a couple of months I’ve really adapted to the restrictions. I’m calmer. I sleep well. I think more deeply. I’m not racked with guilt about not ‘keeping up’ with people or seeing to everyone else’s needs except my own. I know more about who I am and I know who wants to be in my life and who can get stuffed.
Mr.Morrison said some restaurants “may want to put up enough tables to start gently serving 10 people at a time”.
“Gently”- don’t you love it? Can’t we go on GENTLY forever? And by the way, how special will those ten people feel in that restaurant. Like they’re all valued and truly matter.
With National Cabinet now meeting every three weeks to discuss progression through the three stages of opening the country up again, I feel the inevitable rat race looming. The craziness of being a mum of four teenagers, a partner, running my own business, chauffeuring to school and club sports, being social when I don’t feel in the mood and cramming in some creativity all waving at me from the front window, waiting to come in, crash through the doors and never leave me in peace again.
I’M JUST NOT READY.
Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s bloody fabulous that we’ve flattened the curve, dealt with this thing swiftly and prevented a healthcare system disaster reaching our country. I’ve even grown a little admiration for our government and the challenges it’s faced. It’s going to be such a positive move to give folk some esteem, purpose and morale back. The economy will get some momentum going and many will get jobs back and get to hug loved ones.
I have just come to realise what REALLY makes me happy. And it doesn’t include ‘how it was’ before. Not all of it anyway. Maybe I need to become a hermit (with my family) living in a hillside, wearing environmentally ethical sandals, eating hand picked berries and growing a beard? Yep. Beard.
After all, I know what I need now is my precious moments with family, while they still want me, to work just enough to put food on the table and get my eyebrows fixed, to look after MY health and MY wellbeing, animals and nature all around and my dearest friends.
SO HOW DO I HOLD ON?
HOW DO I KEEP THIS CALMNESS?
I suppose time will tell, along with some focus and candles.
But if you have any suggestions I’d be very grateful !