I’ve done a couple of pretty heavy blogs recently including some personal stuff. So I thought I’d ‘break it up’ today with something a little lighter and something so VERY necessary in the lives of many. Something that can make a dull day seem brighter and yet strip time from right under your nose.

 

Let’s talk about Kmart.

 

 

So for those readers who do not live in Australia, Kmart is equivalent (and yet unparalleled) to Target, Walmart, maybe ASDA in the UK? It’s a place of everything. A journey of “OOOH, YES! I DO need one of those.”, with hidden bonuses including ‘seeing someone you know’ and ‘I’m actually SAVING money if I get them here’. 

 

With my triplet girls on camp this week for what is known as a challenging affair, I decided to ‘just pop into Kmart‘ to ‘get a few things‘ for them as a ‘little‘ care package upon their arrival home.

 

You know  how it starts…..you grab a little carry basket- because you only need a few things. I did this. Then I saw the first person I know. Luckily I had already been out so was dressed in something rather civil ie.riding jodhpurs, boots and a jacket covered in horse snot. My hair was tied up because of the awful wind, not down and in corona condition. NOT that my friend would have cared ! In fact, bloody neither do I these days !

 

Take me as I am or just keep walking really and next time I see you in Kmart I’ll keep my attention on the 75cent coffee mugs instead of you. So let’s move on….

 

I headed towards the toiletries section to select ‘a few things‘ for the probable (definitely, same clothes wearing) camp returners. 

 

Then I was in the dinnerware.

 

And there were 75cent coffee mugs! And lots of $2 signs. And trolleys! Lots of people with trolleys! Ooh maybe I should get a trolley…..

 

I overtook an Indian couple obviously having a barney with each other in their native tongue. The man then proceeded to follow me to get a trolley too….I think she must have got her point across. ‘Follow me mate, I know where they are!’

 

So I was now armed with a trolley and returning to the dinnerware. 

 

Then I was in the home decor. 

 

Have you ever noticed there are no windows in Kmart? None. So there is no sun in the sky induced sense of direction once you are within the Tardis that is Kmart .

 

THAT’S how they get you.

 

THAT is how time seems to stand still yet all the while you know you have to go and pick a kid up from school at some time soon- at least you THINK it’s soon. Who knows? You just know you’re in the middle of homewares looking at cushions you don’t need and feeling fake plants in pots to see if they could mimic ANY sense of being real to the eye. Even though in your mind you will always KNOW they aren’t .

 

I DID eventually get into the toiletries section.

 

With a trolley full of tea towels, dinnerware, a set of 75cent coffee mugs, a new bath mat (because they always look SO fluffy in the shop and you think they’ll stay like that forever), candles (that you think are strongly scented enough until you get home), a car air freshener, dog treats (dried chicken necks), a phone holder (because I didn’t bloody need one) and a book of crosswords. I also had some g-strings because they were nearly as cheap as the coffee mugs and some more sockettes because the last lot kept falling down in my sneakers (and it might be different this time).

 

NO windows. NONE.

 

Selecting items for the girls’ care packages was fun though- and my intention from when I grabbed a little carry basket.

 

Well now I had PLENTY of room left in the trolley, with the red carry basket a distant and stupidly optimistic memory.

 

Bath bombs (full of glitter which will stick to the bath and piss me off big time later), face masks (that never peel off as easily as you think, especially when you get hair stuck in there), hydrating cream and hair ‘treatments’ made up the crux of the products I threw into the basket of materialistic pleasures on wheels that never work together.

 

What’s more, these items are small in size so mentally I’m proud of the fact I ‘will’ fit most of them into one bag at the end of the journey to the self checkout (once you get past the lollies and large homewares strategically placed near the endpoint).

 

I mean is it even LEGAL to not have any windows??

 

On I march. Mission accomplished and then some. All the while knowing I MUST pick up a kid from school at some stage….

 

On the way to the self checkout I grabbed some chocolates for the tired (exhausted, grumpy, hormonal, but I really HAVE missed ’em) campers. Also a set of drinking glasses. OK-two. Two sets. 

 

I was done. 

 

I unfortunately needed (a lot) more than one bag for the little care packages I had purchased. After all, there aren’t any damn windows, I didn’t remember what the outside world was like and I had to bloody BELT it to pick up a kid from school. 

 

You feeling’ me????

 

 

E x

 

 

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