Things are not always what they seem.

It’s all in our face isn’t it? Social media exhibitions of beautiful photos of perfect lives, exquisite holidays, flawless and filtered bodies and meals no one really cooked for themselves.

I went out last night with some beautiful lifelong friends. I got all dressed up, put on the makeup to make myself feel pretty and one of my triplets curled my hair. I felt good. I felt happy. Excited.

One of my girls took the token photo for my Instagram and Facebook. I like to have the photos for prosperity actually. Call me old fashioned but I look forward to being a very old lady looking back at images of a younger me who thought she could rock a sequinned dress and heels.

I’ll probably whack this photo ( well one of around 50 edited snaps) on to my socials shortly, not only through habit but also because I DO enjoy the connections I’m currently making on the platform. I ‘know’ some cool people who support me.

BUT

like social media, things are not always what they seem. There became more to this photo. Later that night, the sequins lost their shine and so did I.

You’d never know it of course. A lifetime of dealing with depression has allowed me to hide it very well. I can hold it all together until I reach the isolation and haven of home. Then I cave. I succumb. I cry. Curling up into a ball helps.

This happened when I got home last night. It just hit me.

You’re probably wondering why? What happened? What did someone say or do to me to make me sad? Had it been building up? Had I had too much to drink? Or my very favourite- is it that time of the month?

But that’s the thing. It just comes. Like a wave of sadness. Washing through and wilting me. Nothing in particular has happened and I often don’t know what the trigger is.

We can’t always be positive and happy. Otherwise we’d have no comparisons for good days and bad. So I’m not bitter and I’m not even complaining. I don’t need anyone to fix me. This is me.

I’ll be fine. This wave might last a couple of days, it might last a week- I never know. I’ll take a deep dive into time alone or with my dog, horse or joeys. It’s nothing I haven’t been through before.

I guess I’m just wanting you to know that behind photos there’s often a story. There’s more than filters, music, lighting and not so honest smiles. There’s emotion. There’s good and bad and everything in between.

That’s all for now. To the friends I went out with last night- thank you and I love you. And I love that you know me.

I’ll see you all on the other side of the wave…..

E x

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